Fostering and adopting are beautiful ways to extend love and care to children in need. However, it’s important to enter into these decisions with the right motivations and expectations. Here are five reasons why fostering or adopting may not be right for everyone, along with biblical insights to guide us.
- Seeking to Replace a Lost Child
Some individuals view adoption as a way to replace a child they have lost. However, each child is unique, and no one can truly fill the void left by another. Psalm 34:18 reminds us, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Only God can fully heal the wounds of loss, and expecting a new child to do so can lead to emotional strain. - Fulfilling a Dream of Family
While the desire for a family is natural, it’s important not to impose our own idealized dreams on children who may have their own struggles. Proverbs 19:21 tells us, “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.” Adoption should be about serving the child’s needs, not fulfilling a personal dream. - Expecting Gratitude
Many believe adopted children will be thankful for their new family, but the reality is often more complex. Children who have experienced trauma may not express gratitude easily. Colossians 3:23 encourages us, “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.” The motivation for fostering or adopting should be love and service, not seeking thanks. - Believing Love Solves Everything
While love is essential, it doesn’t erase trauma or heal every wound. Ephesians 4:2 reminds us to approach these children with “all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love.” Healing often requires professional help, not just affection. - Having Unrealistic Expectations
Children from foster care or adoption may have educational or emotional challenges that can clash with parental expectations. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it.” This verse encourages patience and guidance according to the child’s unique needs.
Ultimately, fostering or adopting should be pursued only when one feels called by God to provide stability and love, regardless of the challenges.